JOKES 2

A teacher asked a student to write 55.

Student asked: How?

Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!

The student wrote 5 and stopped.

teacher: What are you waiting for?

student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:

Phone rings: "Green, green!"

They answer: "Yellow?"

They ask: "White?"

They hang up: "Pink!"

While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?

Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Two goldfish in a bowl talking:

Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?

Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.

Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.

Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.

The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you."

The man replys, "By the week or by the month?"

The agent answers, "By the garbage dump.."

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?

English Student: I like it very much.

"Why do you take baths in milk?"

"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee

Waitress : Is it enough Sir?

Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?

"You look very funny wearing that belt."

"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

"I was born in California."

"Which part?"

"All of me."

"Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"

"No, I'm sorry I don't."

"Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?

Student: Well...yes and no.

Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.

The student: I walk. You walk ....

The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.

Father: What did you do today to help your mother?

Son: I dried the dishes

Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast

B: What was it?

A: Eggs.

B: No, that was yesterday.

A: Why are all those people running?

B: They are running a race to get a cup.